Getting Up After a Bully Knocks You Down

There’s one simple thing that always helps.

If you support or work to advance climate action, equality, democracy, or any other social good, here’s one way to think about our shared experience of late—and what might help going forward:

Imagine this: Once upon a time, a fire broke out at your local community center. There was no fire department, so you and your neighbors got to work to try to put out the fire yourselves.

It was a gnarly one, unusually complex and consequential, and you didn’t have enough resources to manage it the way you wished you could. But you did your best because you knew it was in everyone’s best interest. Plus, you loved this community center. It felt like home.

So, you carried on, making a great Sisyphean effort—until finally, it looked like you were making a little progress.

Then, wouldn’t you know?

Someone came along—someone with a different agenda and more power and resources than anyone should have.

With a little smirk, he looked at all of you. Then he threw gas on the fire, cut the water supply, and told the world that people who fight fires at community centers are bad people.

How do you imagine you and the others would feel? Angry? Sad? Baffled? All of the above? In the fictional scenario, the odds are all of the above. In reality, the same answer likely holds: angry, sad, and baffled. That has certainly been my experience.

After all, it is a strange thing to be committed to good causes and treated badly, and have difficult but important work made all the more difficult—harmful consequences be damned.

Weighing what we can do next

Photo credit: Stefanie Poepken

What, then, are we to do? Do we pick up where we left off and continue as best we can? To some extent and in certain ways, yes.

When the causes we are committed to are just and important, we don’t abandon them because they’re suddenly harder. Even a lot harder.

We need to reckon with the new realities, devise new strategies, and make some tough decisions.

But something else also urgently needs attention in times like these, or our capacity to reckon with those new realities, devise new strategies, and make tough decisions will be seriously compromised.

I am referring to our human experience of the situation: those angry, sad, baffled, perhaps even despairing or grieving emotions that are entirely natural responses but that will weigh us down until we give them some attention.

Unaddressed emotional responses in the workplace or at home make communication more difficult. They can also sap our spirits. Our creativity. And our energy. Put another way, they make our journey forward even more challenging.

And we sure as hell don’t need to add, if you will, yet more fuel to the fire.

What always helps, at least a little

If you've ever had to navigate a personal crisis—say, the serious health diagnosis or death of a loved one—you likely know that giving voice to your experience is part of the journey of healing and moving forward.

Of course, we are less likely to discuss emotions in the workplace, activist circles, or communities than at home. This may be especially true when our cause feels more consequential than our emotions.

The reality, however, is that both are important. Addressing our emotional responses releases built-up pressure, enabling us to put more focus on the actions we need to take next.

Doing this requires psychological safety. Amy Edmonson and other researchers have shown that establishing psychological safety—the belief that one can speak honestly without fear of retribution—is critical to high-performance, learning, and innovation.

It may be the understatement of the year to say that psychological safety is not being fostered in our larger culture these days, but that only means it is even more important for values-driven people to create islands of psychological safety within themselves and their organizations.

I'm not talking about group therapy. Or free-for-all-venting sessions.

I'm referring to facilitated opportunities where people can engage in courageous conversations that enhance their emotional intelligence, helping them navigate the immense challenges of these times.

It’s the kind of work that can help us truly get back on our feet, with the fullest possible capacities at our disposal—and give us the best shot at doing all we can to protect what we love.

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Through my seven-point framework, The Better Now Shift™, I help values-driven people transform burnout, overwhelm, and emotional exhaustion into greater clarity, courage, and impact. Drawing on decades of work at the intersection of human potential, storytelling, and social change, my goal is to help release pressure and revive untapped capabilities. The happy bonus? Greater well-being. Learn more here. Or please connect. I’d love to chat.

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