Thoughts on This Matter of Thriving in a Changing World

Like "queer," there is something worth reclaiming here

Photo by Sebastian Herrmann on Unsplash

I’ve wrestled with the word “thriving” in the context of an aspiration for navigating our changing world. It is a word that can make me seem naive, a Pollyanna in a world undergoing dramatic change.

There’s also the matter of it being overused for commercial purposes.

The health care system Kaiser Permanente proclaims “thrive” in its advertising. The health food brand Thrive Market reasonably proclaims it in its name, while Thrive Cannabis Marketplace more dubiously does the same. And Arianna Huffington chose it for her latest venture, Thrive Global.

Many organizations have been unable to resist the rhythmic pairing of “survive and thrive.” And then there are the countless organizations that connect financial success to thriving: Thrive Financial Services, Thrive Financial Group, Thrive Financial Planning—you get the idea.

It’s enough to conjure images of a red-haired girl singing,
“The sun will come out tomorrow.”

But then I started thinking about the uses and misuses of the word “queer.”

“Queer” is, after all, another word that is increasingly important to reckon with these days—given that politicians are increasingly targeting LGBTQ+ people, which is contributing to a rise in harassment and assault, as the Anti-Defamation League and GLAAD recently documented.

Sadly, last week’s far-right U.S. Supreme Court ruling that businesses can discriminate against LGBTQ+ people will also be used to justify discrimination and hate by those inclined to those darker human impulses rather than the alternatives of equality and love.

A “Queer” Case Study

People began using “queer”—a word that initially meant strange, odd, or peculiar—to derisively refer to same-sex attraction in the late 19th century, as the cultural historian Timothy W. Jones has observed. This lasted through much of the 20th century, as I found in my research while at Harvard.

The implication was that people attracted to people of the same sex are bad because they stray from the norm, despite the profound misunderstanding inherent in this way of thinking.

Diversity is the nature of life.
Diversity is the foundation of healthy ecosystems.
Diversity is the way human communities flourish.

Photo by NEOM on Unsplash

Then, with the rise of the LGBTQ+ movement, activists began taking back the term, which led to two good things: It stripped the word of much of its sting. And it fostered a spirit of pride that helped drive the fight for equality.

“Thrive” does not have precisely the same checkered history. But it is worth taking a moment to think about.

A Narrow Take on “Thrive” v. a Universal One

Originally a Norse term that dates back to the Middle Ages, “thrive” once meant “to grasp to oneself” or “take hold of.” In other words, it was fairly open-ended and suggested a quality of self-agency.

But today’s dictionary definitions of “thrive” suggest a more narrow application. Cambridge Dictionary defines it as “to grow, develop, or be successful.” Merriam-Webster as “to grow vigorously” and “to gain in wealth or possessions.”

And here, you see, is where things get muddy.

“Thrive” is about our human experience of growth—or, as researchers say, “physical or psychological” growth or resilience. But it has been widely associated with a more narrow meaning of financial success, as so many things are in America.

Why, though, should we limit our understanding of the meaning to financial or commercial applications, which greatly diminish the vital necessity of grasping the experience of human growth to oneself?

And why shouldn’t we embrace the goal of thriving,
not despite the challenges of modern life
but because of them?

The Growth-Challenge-Happiness Connection

The old comic Andy Rooney once observed, “Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.”

It’s a truism that we can easily lose track of in a culture that relentlessly promises quick fixes for a price, even if we have grown skeptical of that as a helpful strategy for dealing with any real challenge.

In my life, all the growth—and eventually, the happiness—has come from facing challenges. Stepping outside the norm to marry a woman, for example, and later divorcing, which brought other lessons. Reckoning with climate change as a mother who fiercely wanted to protect my children from every possible danger and ultimately had to accept I could not.

These days, I find it very painful to witness the backsliding in our country on so many issues, which hurts many people for no good reason.

In my view, this backsliding stems from little more than two things: fear of the inevitability of change and that age-old impulse some people have to make themselves feel better (or score political points) by acting as if they have a monopoly on how everyone else should live.

I find it particularly irksome when people rationalize their attacks on equality as some kind of (misunderstood) expression of “freedom.” As John Stuart Mill wrote, after all:

“The only freedom which deserves the name
is that of pursuing our own good in our own way,
so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs,
or impede their efforts to obtain it.”

But here we are. A time when we should be coming together to address issues like climate change that will affect everyone but fighting off old, tired discrimination battles instead.

Still, if life has taught me anything, it is that striving for something good—and continuing to strive despite struggles and setbacks— leads to a meaningful life.

Facing discrimination, climate change, and the politics of cruelty (as well as the more common causes of suffering in any human life) has helped me develop more humility, courage, compassion, and love.

And aren’t these the things that lead to more authentic happiness?

Honestly reckoning with life’s challenges, especially those bigger than us, invites us to grow. And growth cannot be separated from happiness, even if they do not happen simultaneously.

So, this is why I will never give up on the idea of thriving—because I know growth comes from facing challenges, and there is no true happiness without growth.

Plus, as LGBTQ+ activists have brilliantly demonstrated for decades, seeing and celebrating the positive— amid all kinds of struggles—can be wonderfully energizing.